arlita

october 25th 2023

personal

last weekend i got to go to the ren faire with my friends!! my husband had plans to go to a party so he didn't go, and i wanted to bring my daughter but it just wasn't practical sadly. but besides that lol it was a lot of fun. i literally had the time of my life. we didn't plan our day at all, we missed every show (well we didn't plan to see anything in particular so really we didn't miss anything), we spent a lot of money, and spent a lot of time just goofing off and chatting about whatever while walking around. and it was literally perfect. i didnt have a new outfit to wear like usual, so i wore the same top that i wore a couple years ago and some cute pants i have. and i felt so so so cute and got a lot of compliments on my pants.

for years i did not understand the appeal of fox tails that are always for sale at multiple ren faire vendors, but this year i gave in and bought a soft pink one. i also picked up a natural white tail for my daughter, and she loves it. she revealed to us recently that she's a therian, i was a little iffy getting her a tail because it is made from a real animal, and her being a therian, i didn't know how she would feel about that. she doesn't seem to mind lol. if i wasn't so nervous buying things i would have thought to ask where they source their pelts :/ maybe i'll look the vendor up online and see. anyways.

another ubiquitous ren faire object is what we call the amazon hat. it's those little short witch/pixie knit hats they sell on amazon that a lot of people buy for their ren faire outfits. i love them and i love seeing them on at least 3 people's heads when i scan around from where i stand. we saw a couple vendors selling them for three times the price with only little effort to make it unique enough to be worth it. so we decided (i keep saying we. we in this context is me and my brother) that we are going to buy them and wear them next year. i'm probably going to go the craft store and decorate mine myself, altho the plain hat alone is already so cute *-*

oh yeah i wanted to mention here that i added a memes page!! i deleted the post when i added it because my meme pages are definitely 18+, and i didn't want those to be visible/accessible to the minors that follow my neocities profile. clicky clicky clicky pressy here to see memes CLICKY!!!

next up in my life is the halloween party babey!!!!! oh fuck yeah im so excited you have no idea. and i'm hosting this year which gives me a major advantage in every aspect. except for cost lmao. so today tomorrow and the day after i'll be cleaning my house down to the bone, which is super easy because we just moved here hahahaha. then the day of is when i'll decorate and prepare food etc. we're going shopping tonight for costumes and decorations, i'm pretty sure i'm going to some type of fairy look, i don't really have a direction in mind but i've somehow never been a fairy for halloween yet so that's what i'll do. maybe i can be some sort of off-brand brunette tinkerbell lmao. oh fuck i just remembered i have to make the playlist too.

anyways. i'll probably write about the halloween party next time i blog sooo yeah 😊

october 15th 2023

personal

i want to get back into my routine that i knew before we moved. which was barely hanging on by a thread anyways lol. every schedule we had before is different. my days are shaped differently. and i've been trying to make my own new routine and its helping!! but i think mostly somehow i am not adapting as well to this move as i always always always have. i love moving put me somewhere new ill grab my things!!! i mean i feel some of that but my new house is still a stranger to me. anyways.

last night my daughter came up to my room when she was supposed to be sleeping, begging me to let her stay up later, so she can make her little paper crafts she's been into recently. and im going to be real with you. i was high as shit lmao i did a third more than i normally do and it was very effective. (thc edibles lol). i don't even know how she went from puppy eyes pleading, to practically infodumping everything she knows about varying amounts of skin coverage fursuits can have and all of the names of those variations. she is a fountain of excitement and knowledge and respect for an entire community i've only ever seen from the outside looking in.

and at the end, she thanked me for always listening to everything that she does and thinks about, and always reacting like wow! and that's great! and then she went on to explain how she can't talk to daddy about everything because he doesn't always have the time, and her friends don't really care or react, and i'm the only one so far who loves hearing it all. and it's my favorite thing to do.

i was looking at her and thinking, i see myself in this girl. i'm like some ingredient to her potion, ultimately mastered entirely by her. and tho i'm such a small piece of her biggest picture, she is so ready to show me everything, everything she loves, and hates, and wants, and breaks, and betrays, and cries over. i'm so so so so so so lucky to ber her mommy it's crazy actually. when she told me that, that no one else truly listens and she notices, i hugged her so so tight and told her i know. i know it and i am so sorry!! i am sorry you bubble over all the time and i'm the only one ready with my bucket. i know because i gave that to you. and i love you.

october 6th 2023

personal

i said before i want to try to enjoy the fall, so today i got up at the same time as my husband and got me and my toddler dressed to play in the leaves. it was actually nice and i shouldnt be surprised but i am and im excited about being surprised!! it wasn't hot or cold, i was in my flannel but i could have taken it off. my neighborhood is quiet except for the occassional plane from a nearby airport, and to me getting to see the planes so close is a gift. and the tree in front of our new place is like 25% barren from most of the leaves falling off, so our yard is covered in crunchy brown red orange yellow leaves. i wanted to be outside longer than my toddler did which never ever happens lol. i picked up a couple leaves and asked my son what colors they were, he nailed it and told me red and yellow. then i asked him what color the leaves still on the tree are, and he said green. i told him all of the leaves will change on the tree and fall off. he gave me a disappointed face and whispered, aw. i thought it was soo so cute and sweet 😭 dw i assured him the leaves come back haha.

the picture there is a half-done-probably-won't-finish-sadly drawing of me as an animal crossing rabbit lmao it was becoming way too high effort for how simple i wanted it to look. i already talked about it on my art page but i found an october art prompt list called cringetober where all of the prompts are cringe-y tropes, and i have done three days so far. i skipped day 3 lol but i'm pretty stoked i've committed just enough to keep doing it. day three was called unnecessarily complex fit, um i'm not doin all that drawing lol i hate tedious detail. the next one is ms paint which idk if i'll do yet, i don't have an idea right away so i probably won't. then day six (which is today's lol but i'll do tomorrow or this evening) is neko!!! (or other animal features lol)

BUT today i drew prompt four which is angel x demon and i IMMEDIATELY knew i wanted to do the pose from that one shot in bee and puppycat lol. so i had to fucking screenshot that because i couldn't find it anywhere online i had like 17 bapc related tabs open like. did it not impress on other people like it did for me?? bcos no way haha. then i knew (also immediately) i was going to draw marie kanker with edd. i love the kanker sisters from ed edd and eddy and and i love edd and i love marie and maybe they love each other!!!!!!!!!! O_O edible kicking in *magical girl transformation* hmmmmmm i'm done writin im gonna listen to every single sound made available to us from this live recording of thread by now, now ^_^

october 3rd 2023

personal

i cant stop thinking about how my perception of things change over time. and they havent changed just once, theyve changed a few times over. im starting to wonder if wisdom isn't granted. if it's something you build, a lot of times, on top of itself. one person can't give you that. an easy target for an example is how i see my mom. as a kid i saw her as my mom. she did mom things like sing to me and cook for me and teach me how to read. when i was a teenager i saw her as an obstacle. it was hard to talk to her. i couldn't ask for too much. i could sense her anxieties and doubts. now in my late twenties i see her as i see myself. my opinions on things that matter a lot to me are set in stone, i'm messy, kinda lonely. im constantly making feable attempts to drop the burdens i was asked to carry in passing. she's morphed and so have i but she's a part of me and im a part of her, & permanently i think.

my mom to me is every age i've known her and she's not just a house-cleaning dinner-cooking clothes-washing robot. i'm not. she's definitely not over-protective or cynical or resentful. i'm certainly not, mostly hehe. she's a person who had babies which is a really hard thing to do, i know because i am a person who had babies. and she had five. i just have two mild mannered punks, and im lucky to be married to my kids' dad. my mom got married, had 3 kids, then cheated, then divorced, got pregnant with me, then remarried and had the gall to have another baby. (my brother who i adore). i can not fucking imagine. i hope one day i can stop reducing her down to a few adjectives, be able to step back and view her as she deserves. and i hope she can do that same to me.

anyways, life has mostly returned to our regularly scheduled mandanity, minus of course the shenanigans i scour for on the internet lol. i started a new notebook (my fav thing to do) and its been good to write a to do list every day and try to get it done. it is so so stupid to admit that writing a stupid fucking to do list actually helps me but. thats where i am. executive dysfunction etc. im very capable of sitting on the carpet hugging my legs staring at the wall buuut you invite the beasts and ghouls in when you do that. and not the sexy kind. if im inviting beasts and ghouls over, my legs would not be closed. oh my god i have to stop.

yesterday my daughter told me that on the school bus a kid hit her (lightly but enough to upset her) and another kid stepped in and stood up for her even tho he's made fun of her before, so they're now friends which is so cute. im kind of a weird parent that doesnt freak out every time someone does something mean to my daughter. what is there to do? bus drivers have to drive they cant pull kids from each other all day every day. the kid who hit her, according to my daughter, is the annoying kid who's like that quite often. i cant parent someone elses kid. if she got hurt for real, or the situation didn't resolve quickly with another kid stepping in, i might have said something to the school. but i trust her and respect her to handle those kinds of situations herself.

i believe in no gods but i am begging to any entity that will hear me to please let me to continue to want to update my site lmao