arlita

september 16th 2023

personal

18+

i finally fucking moooved!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!! a week ago i would have gone on and on abt all the trials this move has presented us but im sick of talking and frankly thinking about it all so im just going to be joyful and excited about the move now because i have been wanting to move. since. yo i don't even know hahaha anyways thats why i havent been updating, also neocities fell off of my rotation of interests UGH but im hoping i can make a habit of being back on here. im in a new house with a new view and new lighting and new foliage outside !!!!!!! ok sorry about the exclamation points i can be normal i prommy.

this year during the fall im going to try to not to let it get to me. let what get to me? the dread the sad the weight the cold the stress. the vignette of seasonally warped space/time closing over me, reaching out from every direction with hands unrecognizable and inhuman tugging me in, no matter how close i curl my face into my lap and squeeze shut my eyes sooo so so tight. just girly things 🤪

in terms of hobbies i have been drawing a lottt recently i might upload some of it here idk. i have uploaded my art other places and i am way too. i dont know what adjective to put... perfectionist, picky, private, to have my art in multiple places online. i would link those places but again, private lol. i have also been taking more photos, i bought a new camera (used lol) and its inspired me a lot. it takes kinda shitty photos but i love the grain it gives and the way it interprets colors. i am more comfortable uploading my photos here lol so i probably will at some point.

FUCK i am an adult?????? HUH ?? i mean. hahaha ive been an adult but like i am not in my early twenties bumbling around unanchored worried im saying the right thing all while talking to the wrong people. i dont know why it like, hit me this summer that i grew up low key. and im still young i know shut up. i am shaving off more and more trivial perceptions of things that shouldnt matter to me each day. i dont care how my thighs look when i sit. i dont care if my hair shines and sits the right way on my back. i can easily set aside my reservations and try new things. i havent been only violently killing cringe, i have been grabbing it with both hands and eating it hungrily and spitting it back out, gory, gross, visceral. fully licking my fingers clean and leaving the mess behind to show it can be done. i am off script. i am procedurally generated. this is beyond improv; i am breaking outside of the scene and setting of our tale and am going down on the narrator. (yes sexually if u need that spelled out haha)