mind
i am a girl, and kind of a boy. i don't know what term to describe it. every now and again i'll have a "boy" day, which lasts about a day or two, and happens a few times a year. i have not explored my gender identity very well. either way i do know my body feels right as a girl and as a boy. titties in a boy way lol. i don't experience gender dysphoria on my boys days. i look at myself and see my 24 hour boy, and i dress him in boy-ish clothes, and embrace myself.
i grew up moving around a lot, not a lot a lot, but enough to have probably fucked with me. we lived with various family members, sometimes friends, and rarely on our own. i moved schools several times. sometimes we moved with a three day notice, frantically washing clothes, packing boxes, cleaning dishes, stuffing it all into one car and if we were lucky, a u-haul or storage unit, until the next place. by the time i was a teenager, i didn't even unpack my boxes all the way any more. neither did my parents. i actually became a teenager while living away from my parents. i lived with my parent's friends. i am good at dates and years, but i can't piece together when i started living there and when i moved. i think my brain erased a lot of that. it wasn't terrible living there, but obviously not ideal. i do remember vividly that the week i moved in, my mom wrote a note to me on a dry erase board, that she loves me etc. and i asked the man with whom i was moving in to take a photo of it, and he looked back at me confused, and asked why? and i told him so i could keep her note, as it is on a dry erase board and will eventually be erased... he obliged and took the photo for me. that was one of many small, bad moments i wish i could change. he's dead now lol but he hurt me when he didn't understand something so obvious to me.
most of my personality i stole from my dad. sorry mom. i like makeup and thrift stores, that's all you gave me. my dad gave me my taste in music, my appreciation for computers, a slight (SLIGHT) interest in cars, i could go on for a while lol. my parents joke that i was born with a computer mouse in my hand, and because my dad is a huge nerd, it's kind of true. i'm not a big techie nowadays but my dad had me typing in commands in ubuntu and installing stolen copies of windows from cds at a young age. "will you reach your little hand in that computer case and release the ddr3 memory stick?" and then i would do so with ease, my heart full of love, because the world revolves around my dad, even in the simplest of bonding moments. i learned to use the computer for (shitty) animated pixel art and html, and diverted from there. i love my dad. everything i did, he would look at and be like you did this? and i would be like, yeah, and he'd be (or act?) impressed every time. meanwhile my mom judged me at every corner, like when i came home from the library with a stack of books and she told me she wished i would stop reading cheesy young adult fiction. my mom loves me tho, i promise you. she's just easily embarrassed, i think she grew up to be shameful or something. it's her crutch. i both try to understand it and find myself easily annoyed by it.
eventually, after all of the moving and packing and panic, i became an adult and my boyfriend (now husband) moved into our own place. i learned something about myself shortly, that i love to move. we have moved just a couple of times now, and i am itching to move at least one more time, something a bit bigger to accommodate our son, his crib is in our room at the moment. so for now, i am just going about daily life with what i have, just my family i made in our own apartment, romanticising the simple act of life on earth.
