body
i am 27, born on new year's day of 1995. i take a weird bit of pride in being born around the supposed start of another revolution around the sun. my parents were not yet married when they had me, but became married six months later. i, too, had a daughter, then married her dad, except i waited nearly four years. anyways. my parents mutually cheated on their spouses to be with each other, agreed to not have children, then had me, then later had my little brother. their "song" is the sign by ace of base.
i am told i mostly look like my dad, sometimes my mom, but people who don't know my parents call me pretty. i "know" i am pretty, but i don't think i am pretty. i am white, with naturally dark brunette wavy/kind of curly hair, and relatively thin. i was my mom's largest newborn, but i am now her skinniest child. i have hip dips and boobs that have defnitely breastfed two children lol. i don't mind the boobs tho. i have crooked teeth, a bumped nose, dark pink lips, and dark brown eyes. my hands haven't grown since i was twelve, perfectly fitting into hand-art i made 15 years ago, and my feet point slightly inwards, pidgeon-toed. i sound like i am describing a child but i am a woman. i am just stuck this way i think.
like every other bitch on this planet, i grew up not loving my body. my hip dips especially, the way my gut felt accentuated. i was (still am) thin, with a flat stomach, but no matter what i wore i felt as wide as a planet trying to navigate through school hallways. it got a little better after puberty, i felt cute in swimsuits, refusing to wear anything that covered my body. only insecure people cover their body, i thought. after i had my first baby, i felt surprisingly ok in my body for a while until i didn't. then i had my second baby and the cycle continued, feeling ok in my skin, then suddenly not.
i am bisexual. that simple statement alone suffices but i'm detailing here so i will explain further lol. i am attracted to those whose gender aligns with mine, and those that don't. doesn't that make me pan?? no it doesn't. i am bi. i have to have that conversation every time i come out so at this point i don't come out to people much any more. nobody says i have to anyways. another fun question bisexuals get, is have i been in a threesome?? and i answer no and leave it at that, but i don't tell them i've been in a foursome. nosey, uncharismatic people don't deserve my truth.
during my sweet spot of feeling good about my body, when i had recovered fully from delivery and before my undiagnosed eating disorder kicked in, was when i explored my sexuality with a friend couple of ours. sometimes i get embarrassed about it but other times i miss it. i bet a million dollars i could call them right now out of the blue and ask if they were interested and they would say yes. but i don't lol.
for now, i love sharing myself with just my husband, and going about the world acting and dressing in a way that is pleasing to just me.
